Monthly Archives: May 2014

Listen up Ladies …

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Are you tired of strategic relationships, guilt-trip invitations, crying to your significant other about that one horrible group of girls in your life, listening to your gal-pals rag on your best guy friend, and sticking around to see if it’ll get better?

Maybe I’m the barer of bad news, maybe I’m cynical, maybe I grew up with brothers and have no patience for the chess game that has become friendship between women, but I’ve gotta believe that there are others like me – out there – somewhere!

My best friend until I was ten was amazing – but I don’t know if I ever told her that … if she ever knew that she was probably one of the only females I ever trusted. Why don’t we cherish one another!? Throughout high school and college I had one or two good girlfriends but some of my favorite moments (whether it’s emotionally or psychologically healthy) were with my guy friends. Spending a weekend watching the star wars, godfather, and lord of the rings trilogies; staying up all night to help move a mega-size gazebo in front of the student union doors for April Fools; playing soccer and frisbee golf until we passed out; meeting up for happy hour and darts; being fiercely competitive with Mafia and knowing that they wouldn’t care; and sometimes crying on their shoulders.

This isn’t to say I haven’t done these things with friends who are girls – because I have – just far fewer. I ended up with amazing female friends who were completely different from me, but still had no interest in the drama and emotion which envelopes so many relationships between women.

So listen up ladies! Life is NOT Sex in the City, or Real Housewives of you name the city; it is not Dance Moms, the Bachelor, or WifeSwap. Get yourselves together, take a moment – and reflect on what’s going on in the world outside your cul-de-sac and Facebook page.

The girls and women I most admire and respect are the ones who think of themselves last and have spent their lives trying to make a difference in the lives of others – no matter how small.

While we may be the queens of our homes, there are 3.5 billion other queens in the world so it makes sense that we’ll have to get along. If we got along as well as guys do think of what the world would be like – what a force for good we would be!

I’ve had to work – and still do – on trusting my own gender, but more often than not, letting my guard down and making an effort to get to know someone new has been fruitful. Has it taken time? more often than not. Am I territorial? sure – it’s that whole maternal nature / mating survival instinct thing. Would I rather hang out with my guy friends? sometimes. Do I miss the wonderful women in my life who are spread across the globe – and long for meaningful, sincere relationships? YES!

Let’s think of this as the ten commandments for female relationships:

1. thou shalt make an effort to appreciate the beauty and genius of every girl/woman in your life.

2. thou shalt listen and encourage one another.

3. thou shalt not exclude one another – unless she’s just certifiably insane (they exist).

4. thou shalt go out of your comfort zone and try new things – new relationships.

5. thou shalt not tear one another down and be spiteful.

6. thou shalt inspire the rest of us, young and old!

7. thou shalt love one another enough to compassionately call each other out on our crap.

8. thou shalt grow in humility and learn to move past differences of opinion.

9. thou shalt not go after another’s guy & thou shalt not settle for stupid guys!

10. thou shalt use your gifts & wisdom for good.

A Privileged Life

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History is littered with wars and tales of the ‘haves’ and ‘have nots’. There’s something sad about a life – anyone’s life being spent calculating what they do or do not have – what you or I should or should not have. I would much rather live a life of purpose – a life lived with the privilege of have a family who loves me, of loving others, of working smarter and with the goal of improving the lives of others through love. After all, in a hundred years we’ll all just be ghosts.

Tal Fortgang, a student at Princeton is having to defend who he is and the humble lives of his family members – because of his skin color and gender. While his grandparents fled the Nazis, my ancestors fled the Spanish Inquisition and the Great Potato Famine to face poverty, hard labor in coal mines, and suffering that had nothing to do with their genetic makeup.

Some of you have had ancestors who you will never know about – men, women, and children who made sacrifices so that our present would not carry the burden of their past but their selflessness and generosity of spirit – their hope for a better future.

Since when do we hate one another so much that we refuse to see each other as individuals – with amazing stories filled with wonderful characters? We are ALL privileged to be alive – the chances of any of us body and soul making our way to this life are miraculous; so shouldn’t we encounter each day and each face on the street as a gift? Yes life is hard, yes it’s unfair – so let’s work to make it a bit fairer and measuring one another by our actions and virtues instead of the DNA, citizenship, or economic category we may have been born into.

I’d be lying if I said I don’t see color – so would you, unless you’re legally blind – but what’s wrong with that? The world would be so boring without the beauty and intensity of colors. No rainbows, no green grass, no white snow, no blue oceans, no golden sands, no fireworks, no delicious strawberries or crisp peppers, just grey ash – no life. Without color from the sun there’s no life.

So maybe we all get a little bruised along our journeys around the sun, but it’s not the sun’s fault!

“The poor will always be with us” – that’s not a bad thing, we’re all poor; none of us escape without suffering. I won’t say it makes us stronger, but I will say it makes us more human to share that suffering and relate to one another through it. In one moment you and I can change someone’s life – for the worse or the better, if in that one moment we stopped and really saw one another then history wouldn’t repeat itself and the tales would be of peaceful reigns instead of great battles.

None of us have any control over our neighbor’s DNA (and hopefully never will) so instead of living a life of bitter envy and righteous indignation let’s begin a tomorrow of acceptance and partnership of bold adventure into the unknown – a life filled with miraculous moments encountering the beauty and wisdom that lies in our neighbors’ hearts.

Let’s lay down our harsh words, our political platforms, our weapons, and prejudices. Let’s be thankful instead of entitled, and bring more color and love into this epic odyssey, leaving a legacy – so that in a hundred years we’re more than just ghosts~Image

Spring Rains

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Long ago and far away … I ran in the rain with my then roommate Amy. It was the beginning of something amazing and healing.

Summer rains in the Ohio Valley are nothing to laugh at, unless you’re in India or Haiti, but on top of our hill, the winds would whip every raindrop against your skin until the struggles of the day seemed scrubbed away.

That first run could barely be called a run; it was more of a lighthearted jog around campus – enjoying the short-lived relief from June’s heat and humidity. Amy and I continued to jog at night or in the rain and chat and push each other, and then jump in her car and get a frosty to cool down. Even after she left that summer, I ran – to clear my head, to exhaust myself, to relieve stress, to enjoy friends’ company .. but little did I know that nearly two years later I would run that same loop at night, in the rain, to cry and let go and heal.

It had been what I thought was an impossibly difficult year, and I knew going into it that I wasn’t ready. I would encounter the first of several personal challenges for years to come. One year after Amy and I began running, I was asked to lead a team of students on a service trip to Mexico, to where I was born, to where my heart had been molded. I said yes without hesitation. Our leadership group, consisting of students, recent grads, and one character of a TOR friar, spent the next couple of months planning, working, relaxing, and preparing for the future – which for some of us would be unexpected.

That fall, the school decided to install new leadership and the boat that was my trip began to rock .. and leak … and because I thought I was in control, I tried to keep it afloat. Seven years later I still wonder if it was worth it – if I should have said the weight on my shoulders was too much.

Somewhere around the time of the trip, I ran into a friend from the past summer who had changed and faced his own struggles. It broke my heart and I’m still not sure why exactly, other than: that I was faced with the realization that no one is strong enough to handle our harsh world alone. I walked away from him, went to my room, put on my running shoes, and ran into the rain, through the night in search of healing.

To this day I haven’t asked what changed him … I don’t think I have to, because I’ve learned that we all change and part of life is allowing ourselves to be challenged – growing in humility and asking for the grace to stand up and face the next obstacle.

Although the rain outside is without howling winds or fierce cracks of thunder, spring’s showers continue to amaze me as they bring the earth to life, raising flowers from the soil, opening buds on trees, softening the early morning light and promising a future of growth and restoration~